THE 5 STAGES OF DRINKING
STAGE 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe, including but not limited to; solving world hunger, economic reform, civil war resolution on any continent, international terrorism and espionage containment. You know - you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen including parties with whom you have no affiliation. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
STAGE 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that everyone is looking at you and only you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you and probably are undressing you with their eyes. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun and still not be taken advantage of.
STAGE 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. Everything you ever wanted to own is now on your owned assets list. Your car collection has grown from a 1987 Honda Accord to 3 Ferrari's a Porche Boxter, 2 custom classics and a Harley Davidson softail that is number 13 of 20. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar you have slept with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba and Catherine Zeta just last night and you expect a call from Jessica Simpson because she is no longer dating Tony Romo. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world with nothing but options.
STAGE 4 - BULLETPROOF
You are now ready to sing like a rock star. You can Karaoke with Jon Bonjovi, Charlie Daniels or even as someone as complicated as Weird Al Yankovitch. No matter which song or which artist - your vocal prowess flows as smooth as silk. You now pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing or battling on the Karaoke floor. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
STAGE 5 - INVISIBLE & INVINCIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness and the most fun for everyone that can't see you. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU - not even God. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you, including the husband of the girl you are trying to impress. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you and you will never fear being embarrassed should you do a complete nose dive and land directly on your grill. You can walk through the street after leaving the bar you are at while singing at the top of your lungs, slip and break an arm or other body part because you can't feel pain and no one can see or hear you. All of this and you are still the smartest, best looking, bulletproof, richest and most invincible person in the entire planet.
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe, including but not limited to; solving world hunger, economic reform, civil war resolution on any continent, international terrorism and espionage containment. You know - you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen including parties with whom you have no affiliation. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
STAGE 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that everyone is looking at you and only you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you and probably are undressing you with their eyes. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun and still not be taken advantage of.
STAGE 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. Everything you ever wanted to own is now on your owned assets list. Your car collection has grown from a 1987 Honda Accord to 3 Ferrari's a Porche Boxter, 2 custom classics and a Harley Davidson softail that is number 13 of 20. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar you have slept with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba and Catherine Zeta just last night and you expect a call from Jessica Simpson because she is no longer dating Tony Romo. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world with nothing but options.
STAGE 4 - BULLETPROOF
You are now ready to sing like a rock star. You can Karaoke with Jon Bonjovi, Charlie Daniels or even as someone as complicated as Weird Al Yankovitch. No matter which song or which artist - your vocal prowess flows as smooth as silk. You now pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing or battling on the Karaoke floor. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
STAGE 5 - INVISIBLE & INVINCIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness and the most fun for everyone that can't see you. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU - not even God. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you, including the husband of the girl you are trying to impress. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you and you will never fear being embarrassed should you do a complete nose dive and land directly on your grill. You can walk through the street after leaving the bar you are at while singing at the top of your lungs, slip and break an arm or other body part because you can't feel pain and no one can see or hear you. All of this and you are still the smartest, best looking, bulletproof, richest and most invincible person in the entire planet.
Luv the Obama pic...perfect.....